Apple won’t go broke for us, so why should we go broke for Apple?

Boy, it seems like it was just a month ago that we were making fun of the competition’s prices, doesn’t it? The MacBook Neo came out at the low, low price of just five dollars and ninety-nine cents (okay, it was actually $599, but it seemed crazy cheap), causing a seismic wave in the PC industry.

And, oh, the fun we had. The Macalope may have had a little too much fun as karma apparently read what he wrote, sat back in its chair, said “Is that right? Well, we’ll just see about that.” and wrote the Macalope’s name in a ledger.

But it wasn’t just since the introduction of the MacBook Neo that Apple fans have been reaping price benefits. It’s actually been since the introduction of Apple Silicon. Apple’s price to performance ratio has been pretty staggering since then. When the Macalope finally decided to upgrade from his M1 MacBook Air to an M4 last year (and is he glad he did), it was less because the M1 was slow than it was simply five years old.

Well, the horny one hoped you gathered ye rosebuds while you had Mayesth (?) because the party’s over! You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay at Apple’s Amazing Price-to-Performance Ratio, The Bar, because it’s shutting down for the foreseeable future.

As you may have heard (and if you didn’t hear you probably felt a great disturbance in the Force as if millions of voices cried out “Why didn’t I buy it yesterday?!”), Apple raised prices last week on everything that didn’t end with “Phone” or “Watch” or start with “AirPod”.

They’re all fairly significant increases but in some cases–some very surprising cases!–the increases are really quite something to behold.

Apple TV 4K was hit particularly hard on a percentage basis, with the 64GB base model going up 54 percent and the 128GB model … rising 67 percent.

If it had only been two more percent we could have said “Nice.” and at least been able to laugh about it a bit. C’mon, Apple, work with us here.

Of course, Apple could have absorbed the price increase and taken a hit on margins but, let’s be honest, does that even remotely sound like Apple? High margins are just who Apple is. We don’t have to like it, but something something person who brought you to the dance. And also happens to own the dance hall.

Foundry

Even the low-priced Neo had relatively good margins at the $599 price point because Apple was able to make it by sweeping up the chips that were unceremoniously dropped to the factory floor when making iPhones. The company could have just buried these chips out in the desert with all those copies of E.T. – The Video Game, but instead it stuck them in some leftover aluminum and sold it as a MacBook. Step 3: profit.

Despite having basked in the glory of a great price to performance ratio for a number of years and enjoyed the benefits of it, we do not need to like this, we don’t need to be happy about this, and we don’t need to be shy about mean mugging Tim Cook the next time we pass him in the cereal aisle at the Piggly Wiggly.

Just make really long, extended eye contact as you bend down to the bottom shelf to get a bag of generic “Legally Distinct Früt Circles”. Then look pointedly at the family-sized box of “Froot Loops” in his cart and whisper “Must be nice.” as you walk away, one wheel of your cart squeaking and spinning wildly, the “JU” and “CY” emblazoned on your short shorts moving in opposite directions, the “I” simply lost in the mix.

The Macalope doesn’t know what you wear to grocery shop; that’s just what he wears, so he assumes you wear something similar.

The horny has actually been trying to tell people for years that they should not feel the need to get the latest and greatest Apple products. And the benefit of Apple Silicon is you don’t have to get them as often. The Macalope writes about tech but even he has never owned an iPhone with the “Pro” monicker. And when it comes time to upgrade from his iPhone 17, there’s a good chance it’ll be to an iPhone 18e.

Apple is not going to go broke for us. Think twice before you go broke for Apple.